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WrathChild
9 Posts |
 Posted - 11/24/2005 : 3:45:30 PM
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It was 3 years ago, she was everything. Hell we were even considering eachother soul mates.. She came down from BC (bout 300 miles west) and the minute I met her I couldn't get my eyes off her. So I hit it up and we went pretty far. We spent every night we could together and I couldn't see how she would cheat on me. I was wrong.
She was naieve I should have assumed.. She started to go around having intercourse with other guys.. She tried sayin she didn't, and I might've been wrong to gather the obvious. And I practically left her for dead.. I dumped her after being together 6 months and she ended up in the psychord because she slit her wrists. Eventually I started doing drugs and I lost myself from that point. I was alone since then. Lost my peace of mind and my self confidence turned to self conciousness. Now to this day I am scared to talk to many women in person as I developed a habit of keeping to myself. I got curious in my wasted years and to this day I still feel sexually disoriented. I try to get through my days with an uneasy concience, I can never settle down in public becuase I often run into other people that assume I am gay.. Maybe they are right. I feel like suicide a dozen times or more in a day. But that is the selfish way and I wouldn't have the guts to follow through with it. I guess what I'm trying to say here the basic highlights that have led me to same sex attraction. It hurts me most to know that the same sex attracts me more than the opposite because my family makes a joke of it when I came out to them, neglect ensued. I have no place in religion so I go by my own philosophy and even that disorients me spiritually. If I could embrace my aspirations without worrying about what others think I would be a great guy. But right now I am cornered in with my motives and they are getting me in worse situations.
[URL=http://imageshack.us] [/URL]
Edited by - WrathChild on 11/24/2005 3:49:55 PM
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ruinedkuria
10 Posts |
Posted - 12/01/2005 : 3:04:39 PM
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dude...you need help
To have one experience do such damage. waaah!
I don't know, I feel like romance comes and goes and it worries me whenever anyone can view it as much more, especially in the inexperienced years. The whole point of dating is so that one can learn how to "play" the romance game.
Besides, romance isn't everything. The most important thing is how you go about life. Get a job, good grades, ect. Romance only comes into play secondary to everything else.
You're attracted to opp. sex more b/c your family jokes of it when you came out (you're bi i assume)
I think you shouldn't make such a big deal out of this. It's only your sex life. What right does anyone else have to care? The decision ultimately comes back to what lifestyle you want to lead. Basically, you should do whatever you want to do (within good reasons of course) and not care so much about what others think. After all, you should do what is best for you.
You're problem is not your lovelife but the way you view certain things. You are too emotional and need to take a step back and see things at a different angle. Not everything is about love. Not everything is about rebelling because you know it's wrong. Not everything is about emotions even if it feels like they are what defines you even if in a sense that is basically true for everybody.
The problem with following your emotions is that it can blind you of certain consequences. Just concentrate on getting your confidence back, learn apathy, then do whatever.
I can't say on your suicide tendencies because I have the same problem and have nothing to suggest myself, but my brother said something to a girl before as advice after his repeated suicide attempts. I think it was "look to your future." Not in the corny but-your-life-has-value, etc. but just think ahead on the living that you would do, the next good life experience you would have. That usually cheers me up.
Your philosophy: since I don't know what it is, I can't say much. If it disorients you spiritually, then I'd just have to say you should change it. Philosophy is truth. If it has that affect on you, than it is untrue, therefore you probably are following something that doesn't hold well with you. Why are you cornered with your motives? Are your motives right? Is romance what you really want? Or is that what you think is an answer to your desires?
As for me, I just broke up with my boyfriend and currently living a happy single and oddly solitary year. The relationship was mainly based on sex anyways, no strings attached, but the talks were rather nice.
merp
Edited by - ruinedkuria on 12/01/2005 3:39:46 PM |
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TheYaoiMan
13 Posts |
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How I came out..
